09 Jul 2017 Grief is a funny thing

Now when I say funny, of course I don’t mean ha-ha funny. But it’s a strange, funny thing. I’ve been experiencing the grief of the loss of a loved one, my mother, this year. She passed away in March after a short, brave battle with cancer.

I’d never been through this before. I wasn’t sure what to expect. After the initial shock and bereavement, funeral and ashes, it seemed life was expected to go back to normal. Life carried on and that was really strange. I had my family to look after, my business to run and I had to get up every morning and do that.

I kept busy, super busy. I always thought people just said that, but it’s true. And it’s not conscious. What I have now realised is that I could not physically or emotionally be still. I never sat still. This is the first blog I’ve written since she passed. I love writing, I used to write my blogs almost every week, I wrote a book last year, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit down, be quiet and focussed enough on myself, my thoughts and emotions to write a single thing.  I didn’t want to go to the depths required to write how I like to write: honest, open, passionate and thoughtful.

Until today. Almost 4 months on, I’ve sat quietly on a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon and picked up my iPad.  I guess this is part of the healing process. Opening up once more, expressing what is in your heart, allowing yourself to still have dreams and desires, even though that loved one has gone. We can take comfort that whatever we do going forward, they have been part of it, and they will always be part of who we are. My mum has contributed to this blog and for that I am grateful.

(The photo shows my last Christmas fun in December 2016 with my mum – precious memories).